We are very excited to announce the launch of a crowdfunding campaign for Kin, a new short film to be directed in August by the highly talented Mila Zuo – based on a script co-written by Zuo and Beg Steal Borrow’s William Brown.

The campaign comes on the back of Zuo winning the 2019 Oregon Media Arts Fellowship, sponsored by the Oregon Arts Commission and administered by the NW Film Center.

The crowdfund campaign is being run through Seed&Spark, a site dedicated uniquely to filmmakers. For more information about the campaign – and to donate – check it out here…!

It is only between your help and the award from the Oregon Arts Commission that Kin will get made.

About Kin
Kin tells the story of three 20-somethings who live together in beautiful rural Oregon, passing their time with beer, TV, home repairs, and vague dreams about a better future.

Conversations about love, security, and taste punctuate the film’s depiction of three young adults in a forgotten Pacific Northwest town, as a shy young man is enthralled by the overconfidence of the couple he lives with.

While the men repair their neglected home, the young woman works at a small motel, as Kin builds towards a violent climax, exploring its origins and testing how far audiences can go in their ability to sympathise, identify with, and even forgive characters.

Cast and crew
Kin looks set to feature various actors who are well known from the realms of American independent cinema – and it will be exciting to update people about that as soon as the cast is confirmed.

Meanwhile, the film’s director, Mila Zuo, is best known for her short film, Carnal Orient, which premiered at Slamdance in 2016 before going on to play at a host of other festivals in North America and further afield.

Zuo Mila

Mila Zuo preps a new film shoot

The film has since been picked up by online horror distributor ALTER, where Carnal… has thus far received over 77,000 views.

In addition, Zuo’s visual essay Détourning Asia/America premiered at CAAMfest 2019 in San Francisco. The film features and is made in collaboration with renowned Asian-American film director Valeria Soe.

Kin will be lensed by Edward P. Davee, who is an award winning writer/director whose films have screened in several film festivals and art galleries around the world.

His first feature, How the Fire Fell won Best Feature Film at the Seattle Film Forum’s Local Sightings Film Festival and was distributed by FilmBuff.

In 2012, Davee also won the Oregon Media Arts Fellowship as well as additional grants from the Oregon Arts Commission and the Regional Arts and Culture Council. The proposal for his 2nd feature film, Lost Division, won him the annual RACC Innovation award as well.


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Beg Steal Borrow’s William Brown was delighted to attend the World Premiere of Letters to Ariadne at the Validate Yourself Film Festival in New York on 2 September 2017.

The film was warmly received at Hotel RL by Red Lion in Brooklyn by a dedicated crowd that included regular Beg Steal Borrow collaborator and screenwriter, Alex Chevasco (who has a small part in the forthcoming This is Cinema.)


Ariadne prepares for Hallowe’en in Letters to Ariadne at RL Hotel by Red Lion in Brooklyn, New York, on 2 September 2017.

In other news, William is for the autumn of 2017 a Visiting Associate Professor of Film at New York University Abu Dhabi (NYUAD), where he is teaching a wonderful creative set of students who are making their final-year graduation (‘Captstone’) films – as well as teaching a course on Concepts in Film and New Media.

And Beg Steal Borrow is delighted to announce that there will be a preview screening of both Sculptures of London and The Benefit of Doubt at NYUAD before William leaves Abu Dhabi at around Christmas-time. More details will follow shortly!

Meanwhile, our short film, St Mary Magdalen’s Home Movies made the First Selection of the International Short Film Festival Kalmthout Belgium – although the film alas will not enjoy a screening there.


St Mary Magdalen’s Home Movies made the First Selection of the International Short Film Festival Kalmthout Belgium.

And Circle/Line was selected by both the Stockholm Independent Film Festival and the UK Monthly Film Festival – although again these selections have not seemingly led to any actual screenings (the rise of ‘fake’ film festivals is a topic to discuss on another occasion).

And otherwise William continues to work on a series of films, including #randomaccessmemoryThis is Cinema and Vladimir and William, a series of letter-films that he is developing with Macedonian filmmaker Vladimir Najkdovski.

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Last weekend saw both the completion of our crowd funding campaign for This is Cinema and the screening at the East End Film Festival of Circle/Line, our documentary investigation into whether people in London are happy.


A poster for Circle/Line at the East End Film Festival screening.

We would like to offer our thanks to all those who helped to organise and who came to the screening (especially the team at the EEFF!) and to those who pledged money for This is Cinema via our campaign with LiveTree.


Circle/Line screens in Old Spitalfields Market.

But this is not a moment to sit still, but a moment to carry on…

And so since Saturday 3 June, I have been doing some work on an essay-film, #randomaccessmemory, while Tom Maine and I went out on Monday 5 June to shoot more sculptures for our short essay-film, Sculptures of London.

The fourth day of our shot, Tom and I started at the Emirates Stadium, where we took some shots of Arsenal legend Thierry Henry, before then heading to the site of the old Gainsborough Studios in order to capture images of the giant film reel that sits in Shoreditch Park and a curious bust of the Master of Suspense, Alfred Hitchcock himself.


Hitchcock on the site of the former Islington/Gainsborough Studios.

We then travelled down to Liverpool Street and the surrounding area, where we saw Fernando Botero’s Broadgate Venus, Xavier Corberó’s Broad Family, and one of the Kindertransport memorials created by Frank Meisler and Arie Oviada. The last of these commemorates the effort of the British to take in nearly 10,000 Jewish child refugees in the build-up to the Second World War.

Richard Serra’s Fulcrum then followed, a statue that we shot in a style that rhymes with a similar shot of Bernar Venet’s Neuf lignes obliques in The Benefit of Doubt. We shot The Benefit of Doubt in Nice, France, where Venet’s sculpture lives. The film is a retelling of the myth of Ariadne, the daughter of Minos abandoned on the beach by Theseus and who then meets (in our film, two versions of) Bacchus.

Next we viewed Jacques Lipschitz’s Bellerophon Taming Pegasus. As Tom and I discussed creativity, I wondered (cheekily perhaps) that the City location of this sculpture about the mythical slayer of monsters capturing the monstrous chimera seemed somehow to symbolise the way in which the world of work also captures and hinders creativity – with creativity being the creation of monsters, in the sense that creativity brings into the world things and beings that have never before existed (maybe this is why we call children little monsters).


Bellerophon Taming Pegasus

Looking at Antanas Brazdys’ Ritual in front of the Woolgate Exhange, I also wondered how this particular sculpture also seems very meaningful given its location and the material from which it is made.

This stainless steel piece offers distorted reflections of those who walk in and out of the building, thereby making us look again at, and perhaps question, the daily ritual that is the commute into and out of work. Why do we do this? Is there reason to doubt the ritual?



There followed shots of Karin Jonzen’s Gardener, John Birnie Philip’s Peace and Michael Ayrton’s Minotaur by the Guildhall School of Music and Drama in the Barbican.

Given the difficulty that we had in finding the Minotaur, which had moved since when we used it for a shot in En Attendant Godard in 2009, it seemed as though this minotaur really did live in a labyrinth – until a very helpful man called José helped us to locate it by leading us through the Guildhall’s staff-only area.

In En Attendant Godard, the minotaur is used to represent a bull – the form taken by Jupiter in order to rape Europa, in the film represented by Annie, who is played by Hannah Croft.

En Attendant Godard refers repeatedly to the mythical Rape of Europa – with images of François Boucher’s Rape of Europa featuring early on, before we then see Alex Chevasco’s character, Alex, being slain as a bull by a torero (Tristan Olphe-Gaillard), before Alex re-adopts bull horns and poses with Annie (who has now changed her name, although we not sure to what) by Lake Geneva.

At the time, we felt as though these images allowed us to investigate visually a link between the Rape of Europa and the concept of Europe: to be European means to be wide-eyed (from the Greek eurys/wide and ops/face or eye). In other words, it means to be open, to look others in the eye or in the face; it is a sign of respect. But perhaps Europa suffers for her wide-eyed openness as Jupiter descends to abduct her.

Further tying this myth to Beg Steal Borrow’s productions, Europa was the mother of Minos, the father of the minotaur, from which the afore-mentioned Ariadne, daughter of Minos and sister of the minotaur, saved Theseus by giving him the spool of thread that he used to make his way out of the labyrinth.

Ariadne is the name of the character that Hannah Croft again plays in The Benefit of Doubt, which is based on the myth of Ariadne, but here picking up the story from after she is abandoned by Theseus on the beach of Naxos (here, Nice) and then discovered by Bacchus (in The Benefit of Doubt represented by two characters played by Nick Marwick and Greg Rowe).

Ariadne is also a key figure in Letters to Ariadne, a film about which I shall blog shortly, and which is an attempt by me to help my niece Ariadne to make sense of the world.

Often life feels as though it is a labyrinth: a puzzle from which we can find no release, except perhaps through an act of love or kindness (as José gave to us at the Guildhall). I wonder (immodestly) that this is something that I try – in my limited way – to explore in my films (or at least to ask if to doubt, if not to know and yet to be open and wide-eyed – or in an etymological sense to be European – can benefit us).

And as in a labyrinth, where being lost we keep returning to the same places to try to make sense of them, so it is with Sculptures of London that we find ourselves returning to the same myths and themes from our other films, haunted by the same questions about what life is, and what the story is that the sculptures of London can tell us.

Indeed, as mentioned in an earlier blog, various of the sculptures that we shot in Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park also feature in The New Hope, while other sculptures that we have shot and are yet to shoot for Sculptures of London also appear in Circle/Line and Common Ground, about which more later.

To return to Day Four of the Sculptures shoot, though, we then shot the four feminised personifications of CommerceScienceAgriculture and Fine Art that live on Holborn Viaduct, while also taking an image of a lion covered in scaffold tarpaulin. This gave it the appearance of a sculpture modified by an artist like Christo, who is famous for covering monuments with cloth: like Ritual, the tarpaulin that hid the lion oddly also made it suddenly more visible than usual.

Wandering further around the City, we filmed images of Antony Gormley’s Resolution on Shoe Lane, the sculpture of Samuel Johnson’s cat, Hodge, by Jon Bickley (who also made the pig sculptures we shot on our last sortie), and St George and the Dragon by Michael Sandle and Morris Singer.

While we failed to find Stephen Melton’s LIFFE Trader, we did find J Seward Johnson’s Taxi! sculpture, before then shooting various more ‘monumental’ statues of the likes of Queen Victoria (on Blackfriars Bridge), Queen Anne (outside St Paul’s Cathedral) and the Duke of Wellington and James Henry Greathead by Bank.



Outside St Paul’s, we created a shot of Georg Ehrlich’s Young Lovers that echoes a shot of Dennis (Dennis Chua) walking around the cathedral in Common Ground – during a sequence that we filmed during the Occupy London movement in late 2011.

Meanwhile, in front of the Wellington statue by Francis Leggatt Chantry, we came across some pro-EU protestors singing modified versions of protest songs (e.g. Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick in the Wall’) in the build-up to the next General Election. They very happily let us film them, and we chatted briefly about their desire for the UK not to leave the European Union (and their desire for Theresa May not to win the election).


Pro-EU protestors before the Duke of Wellington

There followed brief visits to The Barge Master and the Swan Master of the Vintners Company by Vivien Mallock, and The Cordwainer by Alma Boyes on Watling Street. Interestingly enough, Tom and I marvelled at how – as per the latter statue’s inscription – shoemaking only really took off as an industry in the UK as a result of leather imported from Spain, with cordwain being a corruption of Cordovan, or things from the Spanish city of Córdoba.

If this European connection were not enough, it felt apt that the statue would find itself on Watling Street, which Tom told me was both the site of Boudica’s defeat by the Romans in cAD60 and the dividing line of the Danelaw in the late 9th Century. This latter event saw Watling Street become a boundary between Wessex and Guthrum – which in effect were thus two separate countries at the time.

In other words, the shoes that we wear to cross boundaries are themselves the product of materials crossing national borders, and which are made on the site of a place that itself became a national border and which played host to a battle about national sovereignty. It would seem that today’s disputes over national borders and boundaries have long roots in our past – which we can begin to discover by looking at the public art that surrounds us both in London and elsewhere.

After a trip to Aldgate to see Keith McCarter’s Ridirich, Tom and I popped by the Tower of London to shoot the Building Worker Statue by Alan Wilson, which was created to commemorate the lives of those who have died undertaking construction work in the city.


Tom Maine shoots Ridirich

We then visited St Katharine Dock, where we saw Wendy Taylor’s Timepiece and David Wynne’s Girl with a Dolphin, a companion piece to his Boy with a Dolphin on Cheyne Walk and which we shot on our previous day of filming (as mentioned here).

In contrast with his Boy, though, the presence in Wynne’s Girl of a fountain that sprays up on to her body, and which spray darts around in the wind, lends to this particular piece a pornographic dimension.

Crossing the river, we then discovered that Eduardo Paolozzi’s Head of Invention has been moved – although we have not yet discovered where to (but it was not in Butler’s Wharf as we were expecting), while we could not find a bust of Ernest Bevin on Tooley Street, either.

We ended, then, with Jacob the Dray Horse by Shirley Pace in the Circle on Queen Elizabeth Street, and John Keats by Stuart Williamson in the Great Maze Pond by Guy’s Hospital in London Bridge.

It is apt that we ended in a maze – another sign that we are all in a labyrinth through which we struggle to find our way.

‘Sure a poet is a sage; A Humanist, physician to all men.’ In The Fall of Hyperion: A Dream, from which these words are taken, Keats suggests that the poet is on an endless quest for knowledge, which in turn means that the poet is plagued by doubts, never reaching the point of understanding, but always seeking, open-mindedly, to understand further.

Furthermore, in the poem, Keats suggests that humans should suffer and seek the spiritual, rather than follow or create the words of false poets: not those who create (poiesis), but those who destroy.

Filming these final two sculptures of the day in London Bridge, we came across a multitude of people, including many wearing Muslim Aid-branded clothing, taking part in the vigil announced by Mayor of London Sadiq Khan for those who died during the terrorist attack that took place at London Bridge on Saturday 3 June.

It would seem that such horrific incidents haunt Beg Steal Borrow’s films. On 14 July 2016, there was an attack involving a truck on the civilians of Nice, where we filmed The Benefit of Doubt, while this attack took place just hours after the screening of Circle/Line at the East End Film Festival.

Such catastrophes are hard if not impossible to comprehend. London is a city full of paradoxes, just like a circle that is supposed also to be a line.

However, if the vigil can teach us anything, it is that above and beyond the stories that are told by London’s sculptures, London is a city full of loving, open-minded, wide-eyed and welcoming humans – of innumerable races, religions and other types of category that we use to define ourselves. Of the sort who I would like to think are open to taking in refugees, perhaps especially children, and even if the current government recently scrapped the so-called Dubs scheme.

With each other’s help and support, perhaps we can come to learn the benefit of not knowing all the answers and perhaps not knowing at all. If we not only learn the benefit of doubt, but also share our doubts with each other (by writing poetry), then perhaps we can also learn to be Humanists, physicians to all humans, and to give to ourselves and to each other the thread that will help us to find our way out of this labyrinth.

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Beg Steal Borrow Films is delighted to announce the launch of a crowd funding campaign to finance their new film, This is Cinema.

Running until 3 June, the campaign is being hosted by LiveTree, and is hoping to raise £3,000 to support the production of This is Cinema, the 11th Beg Steal Borrow feature.

If you are interested in supporting the film, then please sign up to the campaign here.

The film tells the story of Ben, a university lecturer who is grieving the loss of his wife and child. One day, his brother-in-law, Dennis, unexpectedly arrives on his doorstep with Radhika, a homeless woman who is fleeing an unhappy marriage.


Meanwhile, Latoya is a diligent and popular student taking one of Ben’s classes. Her brother, Wilhelm, is also in Ben’s class, but he hardly attends, preferring to sell weed on campus in a bid to finance his musical aspirations.

Things become complicated when Ben and Latoya get a match on a dating app while Ben is on a drunken night out. Furthermore, Ben’s world also unravels when he is threatened with redundancy for not being productive enough.

Tensions rise, then, as Dennis struggles to rearrange his life after losing his own marriage and falling into drink, while Latoya wrestles with depression and Wilhelm a mounting debt that sees him turn to dealing cocaine.

As Ben tries to work through his grief, and as all of the characters try to find meaning in their lives, This is Cinema explores the lives of two very different families as worlds collide in contemporary London.

The film is thus about those who desire intimacy and trust in a city where neither is easily forthcoming, and where traditional barriers must perhaps be broken down if trust is to be found.

Set against the backdrop of the neoliberalisation of British university education, This is Cinema will partially be shot in the areas of London where François Truffaut made his 1966 adaptation of Ray Bradbury’s famous 1953 novel, Fahrenheit 451. In this way, the film’s setting will echo Truffaut’s use of south west London spaces in order to investigate how in addition to politics, the very architecture of the city plays a role in placing the freedom of thought under threat.

Starring Al Trevill as Ben and Dennis Chua as Dennis, This is Cinema is set to feature performances from various Beg Steal Borrow stalwarts, while also featuring performances from brand new collaborators, including Radhika Aggarwal as Radhika, Cherneal Scott as Latoya and Femi Wilhelm as Wilhelm.

Shot by stellar cinematographer Tom Maine, we also look forward to sound recording from Julio Molina Montenegro, as well, hopefully, as musical contributions from many of our long-standing collaborators (Radhika is the drummer in Extradition Order for whom we have shot a couple of music videos).

This is Cinema thus looks set to be a wonderful addition to the Beg Steal Borrow canon. And if you are interested in supporting the film, then please take part in our crowdfunding campaign, a link to which is available here.

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Benefit of Doubt’s Hannah Croft on Radio 4

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Beg Steal Borrow reports with great pleasure the launch on Radio 4 of The Croft and Pearce Show.

The show is co-written by and stars Hannah Croft, the leading actress in Beg Steal Borrow’s forthcoming feature film, The Benefit of Doubt. Hannah also starred in Beg Steal Borrow’s debut film, En Attendant Godard.

Hannah is one half of comedy double act Croft and Pearce, who recently embarked on a nationwide tour with their latest material – as well as playing several dates in New York.

Evidently, we are super excited and proud to work with such successful and talented performers. And maybe one day our website will be as good as theirs!

The first episode, which aired on 9 March, is currently available here on BBC’s iPlayer.

Croft and Pearce

Hannah Croft (left) and Fiona Pearce of comedy duo Croft and Pearce.

The Benefit of Doubt tells the story of a young woman, Ariadne (Hannah), who arrives in Nice, France, after the end of a long-term relationship. There she befriends fellow visitors Nick (Nick Marwick) and Greg (Greg Rowe), who embark upon a promenade des anglais (et écossais) around the city so memorably depicted in Jean Vigo’s classic, A propos de Nice, which is a visual inspiration for the film.

Shot in October 2015, The Benefit of Doubt is currently in post-production. Keep your eyes peeled for more on the progress of that film as and when it comes together!

Meanwhile, Hannah’s first Beg Steal Borrow film, En Attendant Godard, will be screened at the University of Roehampton, London, on 18 March 2016 as part of the Film programme’s Film History & Criticism module.

New screenings of Selfie and En Attendant Godard and a new music video for Extradition Order

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Three main things to report here!

1. Selfie will enjoy a preview screening at the Cinémathèque québecoise in Montréal on Saturday 28 March at 7pm. Entry is free and all are welcome, although space is limited at this preview screening.

2. Our lovely friends at FilmFest on TV will be showing En Attendant Godard again on Sunday 29 March at
9pm, as well on Saturday 4 April, also at 9pm.

3. Our video for Extradition Order’s ‘Boy in Uniform’ is about to go live, while we have also filmed a new video for their song ‘Love an Eyesore (LBJ ’60)’.

The Montréal screening of Selfie coincides with the annual Society for Cinema and Media Studies (SCMS) Conference, which is taking place there between 24 and 29 March. Sequences from Selfie were filmed at the 2014 SCMS Conference in Seattle.

Meanwhile, the FilmFest on TV screenings of En Attendant Godard can be found on Freeview channel 8 or Virgin
Media 159 in the Brighton area or online across the world at www.thelatest.tv.

We shall announce in a separate article when ‘Boy in Uniform’ goes live – but the video is currently ready and we are awaiting word from the band’s label regarding when to let it loose.

Nonetheless, in the meantime, we recently shot a second video with the band, ‘Love an Eyesore (LBJ ’60)’, a song that is about Lyndon Baines Johnson’s misguided efforts to be Presidential Candidate for the Democrats in the 1960 American general election.

The video features the band dancing and performing in LBJ masks and will be edited over the coming weeks.

Drummer Radhika Aggarwal wears her LBJ mask during the shooting of 'Love an Eyesore (LBJ '60)' for Extradition Order.

Drummer Radhika Aggarwal wears her LBJ mask during the shooting of ‘Love an Eyesore (LBJ ’60)’ for Extradition Order.

In other news, En Attendant Godard recently enjoyed wonderful screenings with the Associazione Kilab at the CinemAvvenire in Rome, at B-Film at the University of Birmingham, and also as a film screened as part of the Film History & Criticism module that is taught to first-year undergraduates at the University of Roehampton, London.

Common Ground also enjoyed a recent screening as part of FilmFest at 8 on thelatest.tv on 1 March.

We hope that further screenings for SelfieUr: The End of Civilization in 90 Tableaux and The New Hope will also take place in the next few months. Indeed, we are keeping our fingers crossed, and hope that the Like that Sheffield Doc/Fest recently gave to Selfie on Vimeo is something of a good omen.

A filmmaker’s thoughts from Roma, città chiusa

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I step from the aeroplane at Ciampino and find that the bus company from whom I have pre-bought my transfer into town is not running its service that day. After a brief queue for a ticket from a rival company, I find myself smoking outside the airport.

An Italian man and a French woman are discussing where to buy cigarettes and so I offer them my last two. We get to talking. I am in town to show my first film, En Attendant Godard, at the CinemAvvenire, I say. The man replies that Rome is abuzz with anticipation because James Bond is in town as they shoot some sequences for the forthcoming Spectre.

The woman, meanwhile, whose hazel eyes beneath peroxide, cropped hair upon encounter demand thoughts of the potential for union, almost uniquely as a result of the fact that our eyes meet. Looking at someone and being looked at by someone; how simple a thing to make us feel the possibility for love, to fall deliciously in love a wee bit, love being maybe little more than the curiosity to look at and to be seen by the other’s eyes. The woman tells me that she does some film work herself and that she knows the organisers of a festival for independent cinema in her native Bordeaux.

We three continue to discuss various things until the bus comes, at which point we separate, them to the front and me to the back of the bus for the ride into town. And upon arrival at Termini, I hear the Italian man saying to what looks like his mother that that was a French girl he met at the airport, thus undermining my belief that they are a couple, and I see her looking back at the bus as she walks off. Dreaming that it might even be me that she is looking for, I call after her – to tell her where my screening is. And, if I can confess, also with a fantasy of lightning love, of continuing to look at each other in the eye, and of turning our lips into eyes that also gaze into each other.

Perhaps this is the hardest thing that I have ever confessed. My brain, my body often soon following suit, is more or less permanently adrift in thoughts of realising an as-of-yet imagined spiritual communion. It renders me sad, because I know that the fantasy of spiritual communion has such control over me that I cannot exist in the present; the fantasy is a veil of illusion that prevents me from engaging with reality. But this is also a nomadic desire that brings to me joy. For in knowing that this love, which on occasion I believe I have felt, though always in the most impossible and self-destructive of ways, gives to me a future. In the language of society’s majority, I have up until this point in life been afraid of commitment. Or I have not found that which I seek. In another language still, however, we might say that I am committed to prolonging for the length of my existence the belief that there is always more, that it is not finding that is important, but the process of seeking itself, and that learning – the process of seeking – thus never ends, with the experience of joy inherently tied to learning and the experience of the new, that amorphous thing that exists in the land of the as-yet-undiscovered future. In other words, this love is impossible, or if possible it exists as a series of more micro-loves, since one cannot but wonder that there are so many more eyes to look into and to be seen by, and one should fear no eyes and ignore none either. To keep looking, then, drives me always to become other, hopefully to improve myself without end, by learning without rest, and perhaps this also inspires me even to leave behind the minor monuments that are my films, and which will themselves continue to breathe beyond the moment of my last sigh.

I find this confession hard because my fantasies are cheap. Not in the sense that, since I have desires that are as sordid as anyone’s, they feature prosaic sexual encounters with idiotic and pneumatic women – though I can have such fantasies (fantasies that, so far in my life, have not turned into reality). Compared to cheap sexual fantasies, the ones I wish to describe are not cheap, since the feelings they engender are linked as much to the sexuality of my eyes, my mouth, and even my chest, as they are to the supposedly cheap sexuality of my genitalia. No, what is cheap about these fantasies is their heteronormative nature, together with the fact that I have these imagined micro-affairs with more or less any or every woman who pays me any attention and who conforms in some way to the images of women that circulate and which are validated by our male-dominated society from sunrise to sunset. In short, I know in advance the disappointment I could cause to the people who care about me as they see how stereotypical I can be in terms of my tastes in women – even if the main driver for me is women’s curiosity to know more about me (meaning that she is not a self-absorbed idiot) in combination with stereotypical, media-defined ‘good’ looks. Indeed, a woman who looks and who looks good are the combination of things which always set my heart aflutter, with looking being always the source of friendship, and people who do not look – at me, of course, since I am as narcissistic as anyone, but also people who do not look in general, but who walk around with glazed, closed eyes… These are people for whom I tend to have little time.

(Shades look cool, I confess. But people who wear shades tend to me not to be people who look and who hide that look, but people who do not look. People who look should never hide their look behind shades, because it is absolutely vital that you show to the world that you are looking, in search of encounters with other people who look.)

Anyway, as it is, the woman does not hear my call – and after following her for fifteen metres or so, calling twice more without response, I decide to stop, because otherwise she will just take me for a stalker. I go to my hotel, a shitty little dive on the via Principe Amedeo, right around from Rome’s central Termini train station and, after checking in, I drink one and a half beers and go to sleep.

I have come to Rome on a Thursday night rather than on a Friday since it is cheaper for me to travel before the weekend. However, I have not booked a day off work for the Friday, and so I do boring admin shit for my day-job from about 7am until 2pm – driven mainly by a feeling of guilt that I ought to be working, a feeling that invades more or less every moment of my waking existence.

But at about 2pm, I decide that I cannot just work all day when in Rome for the first time, and must instead see some of the city. And so, dressed in a winter overcoat and carrying my laptop bag, off I wander into Rome.

Seeing the Coliseum for the first time evokes a mixture of feelings. Joy is one of them, but where the joy of the exchanged glance is one about the promise of a future, this joy, that of looking at an historical monument, is associated heavily with the past. And yet, as per the love that is born when a person looks back at you as you look at them, this joy is also brought about by the monument looking back at you as you look at it. And it brings with its look – its look being what you can see – an overwhelm of history.

Let me explain. I first see the Coliseum walking up the Via San Giovanni in Laterano. It is a street lined with thirty or forty foot high walls that lower as the road climbs up to a view over the Coliseum from a similar height. The effect of the walls is to channel one’s gaze at the Coliseum as one climbs the Via, the Coliseum carrying out some sort of strip tease as it reveals more and more of its lower reaches.

By the time one has a view of the Coliseum not all the way round, but at least from top to bottom, one is in awe of just how tall it is. And as one walks around its base, this sense of awe is redoubled. The joy comes about, however, from looking up at the Coliseum from below, and imagining how those stones got there, at the top of the building, some 2,000 years ago.

This is not just about the human lives that must have been expended during and likely unwillingly for the creation of this monument. Nor is it about the human lives expended in this monument, to which I shall return shortly. It is simply that 2,000 years ago, someone managed to get a stone from somewhere else to 120 feet up into the air from here.

What do you need to do this? Firstly, exploited human and animal strength, of course. But also to do this one needs a crane of sorts. This I think I could design. But in order to have a crane, one must have wood at the very least. In order to have wood shaped to fit the crane, one must have something with which to chop the wood. In order to have something with which to chop the wood, one likely has to have an axe. In order to have an axe, one has to have metal. In order to have metal, one has to have worked out how to extract it from the ground and how then to melt it down into a mold that likely itself has been carved out of stone. Now that we have our wood, we now need rope. I imagine I can get some rope by cutting tails off horses. But to do this I must find and domesticate horses, then cut their tales, and then bind them in such a way that it stretches 120 unbreakable feet or so when wrapped around a stone that weighs the equivalent of several horses. In other words, I come to realize that I do not have a hope in hell of constructing something like the Coliseum, and yet my human counterparts 2,000 years ago managed this, and without Google.

This is a feeling of joy, because I marvel at the genius of humanity and I realize that I am nothing in comparison to humans who lived in an age without electricity, let alone computers. Nonetheless, this joy is tempered. For as I look at the Coliseum, especially walking around its western side, I somehow can hear the roar of the crowd inside the Coliseum from 2,000 years ago. And what they are cheering on is the slaughter of man and animal by man and animal. The height of civilization, then, is accompanied by inordinate monstrosity. We can build the Coliseum as humans, and yet in it we revel in the ripping of flesh and the dashing of blood on sand.

The mixture of horror and joy almost brings me to tears, but these feelings, and perhaps to feel more generally, are based upon the necessary fact that as I look at the world, so it looks back at me, and as I shall never be the same again after this exchange of looks, so has it too become a new and different world.

I look up at the balcony that Toni Servillo’s character spends some time on in La Grande Bellezza: what a beautiful view down to the Coliseum that place must have. Hundreds of people are taking selfies before the Coliseum. Surely the selfie is an attempt to throw oneself into history, to show that torture and time can do nothing to the life of the human spirit. And yet, almost by definition the selfie involves no looking, but a turning of one’s back to the monument and the looking not at the monument, but at the screen on which the self appears. And surely one is concerned more with the look of the self than with the look of the Coliseum. This ability not to look, it is the desire not to be part of this, material world, but to be part of the light and shadow world of images, the world of media, the world of putting media between us and the world, including the medium of money, whereby we ask how much a thing is worth rather than what it is.

As I wander from the Coliseum and along the Via dei Fori Imperiali, featuring Trajan and Augustus’ fora, among others, the sense of history continues to haunt me, and yet now it becomes mixed with another sensation. Namely, the feeling that I never understood what a/the circus really was until I came to Rome.

For, along this Via we have the places where centuries ago humans came in search of justice from the praetors and where politicians plotted and played, rubbing shoulders now with Asian vendors hawking selfie sticks, souvenir pushers blasting music from various boomboxes, further Asian street performers pretending to be enlightened Brahmin hovering in their orange robes three feet above the ground as they finger a rosary, barefoot beggars in grime-covered coats asking for money, Italian men dressed as Roman legionaries, and of course the population of the travelling world here as tourists, myself included. The impression is not how the world has changed since the age of the praetors, but more how exactly here, at the centre of the world 2,000 years ago, everything must have been the same. We dream of a past of quiet and contemplation, as senators whispered pre-Machiavellian plots while walking through the forum – and yet this place must have been chaotic then as it is now. The Romans invented the circus, not as a break from their society, but as a reflection of it. The circus is still in town today.

Continuing down the Via dei Fori Imperiali, I notice that the manhole covers that lead down to Rome’s invisible sewers each bear the legend SPQR: senatus populusque romanus. The Senate and the People of Rome. I spend time thinking about the importance of a system that is about the people as much as it is about the rulers, or senators. But that they even have to be identified as separate types of people suggests that they are not really the same, that the senators somehow see themselves not as people, but as something else (senators and people).

And as I arrive at the Vittoriano, the enormous marble monument erected to celebrate the union of Italy, and which, while impressive, has a whiff of the fascist about it, I find that this circus is political in some respects, because there waiting are a hundred or so police officers, in town to make sure that nothing untoward happens, I shall learn later on, during protests that I believe were in favour of the de-unification of Italy – as well as the desire to have foreigners removed. As if even in ancient Rome there were not already praetors in place to listen specifically to the legal requests of foreigners, and who already, 2,000 years ago, were visiting the city on holiday, on business and surely as immigrants of both the cultural and economic variety.

It will become clearer to me that, as I remark the hundreds and hundreds of police officers of various different types who stand around Rome on this Friday afternoon, perhaps they are here more for today’s senators than for today’s people. When later I reach the Piazza di Spagna, I see a guard in front of another building, official-looking, next to a van that proclaims to be about Operazione Strade Sicure – Operation Secure Streets. As I look at his military uniform and his carbine, I wonder that he would leave his post to chase after a pickpocket were one discovered. I suspect, perhaps unfairly, that he would not. He is not here to make the streets secure at all, but to make sure that today’s senators are safe – precisely from the people.

At this point, I am in touch with my old friend Hannah, who played the female lead in precisely the film, En Attendant Godard, that the good people at the Associazione Kilab are screening at the CinemAvvenire on Saturday. She is here because she is promoting another film, The Repairman, in which she also has the lead, and which by total coincidence is having its Rome premiere in a second cinema, the Nuova Aquila, about a twenty minute walk from the CinemAvvenire down in the south-east corner of the city. The film was directed by Hannah’s then-husband-to-be (and now-husband), Paolo Mitton.

Hannah has a meeting near Flaminio Metro station at 4pm, and so I suggest that we meet shortly afterwards at the Piazza del Popolo. As mentioned, I wander through the Piazza di Spagna, before meandering about, refusing to look at my map more than sparingly so as not to reveal myself too clearly as a tourist. Among other things, I pass the Pantheon, again marveling at the age of this building, the Palazzo Monteciforio, which like the Vittoriano is also heavily guarded, and the Piazza Colonna, where there is the Column of Marcus Aurelius.

Rome is a city full of obelisks, many adopting a kind of Egyptian hieroglyphic style. The Column of Marcus Aurelius has a similar hieroglyph on it, winding from bottom to top, depicting scenes from ancient Roman life. It strikes me that this is an early form of cinema, with the constant human figures in the mural being the equivalent of figures repeated frame after frame in a strip of film. I dream of a film camera which records on a sideways strip, such that it could be wound around an obelisk such as this one.

I undertake a cursory but obligatory pass of the Fontana di Trevi. It seems somewhat sorrowful at the moment, its water empty, its façade behind transparent but scarred plastic walls. One can walk along a pier to get closer to it, but I hang back and watch from afar. Tourists are taking photos and I try to refrain from reaching for my phone. But I do note that the horses that emerge from the marble seem like desperate beasts scrambling into life from the lifeless rock that previously held them prisoner. It is a powerful sculpture, and while we remember it for La Dolce Vita (what always impressed me more was the smallness of the square as Mastroianni looks on), it speaks more desperately of life’s refusal to bow to death, its teeth-bared determination to whinny its name into the night of lifelessness.

I pass the Spanish Steps without realizing what I am looking at, trying to find the Keats-Shelley House at least to contemplate its exterior, but it seems somewhat unimpressive to me – another house that I feel the need to look at because Coogan and Brydon do so in The Trip to Italy, and if these people (Coogan and Brydon) are cultured enough to take an interest, then I must force myself to, too.

And then to the Piazza del Popolo, where I am refused entry by another cohort of policemen. My Italian is not good enough to know if he explains to me why, but the square is closed until the next day. And so I text Hannah and move round the Piazza via the river and to the Piazzale Flaminio.

The Piazzale Flaminio is just outside Rome’s old city walls – and immediately it feels like a different city. For while there are elements of the people in the circus of the centre, the Piazzale Flaminio is characterized by different races and poorer clothes, a down-market selling granny shopping trolleys and the like, and the obligatory fast food outlets. The cops stand across the street protecting the Piazza del Popolo, and I notice some nettles growing up around the stone of a street-side bollard. Nature has a habit of creeping into the smallest cracks – and no one seems to care too much here to trim it back.

I enter a supermarket and buy the toothpaste that I had forgotten to bring with me the day before, as well as two tangerines that I conscientiously buy instead of a Bounty in order to better myself and in order not to succumb to the same lazy buying that I do in the UK. Fruit must surely taste better here.

And I wait under a lowering sun, bringing my laptop bag close to me at times, generally as people begin to stand too close to me, and I see if I can join a wifi network with my phone. I cannot, but I notice that there are two networks that are local if password-protected: one says Art Department and the other says Publicity Department, or some such. This must be Spectre, and at this point I wonder that it is for the filming of Bond that the Piazza del Popolo is closed, because cinema’s senators, too, take precedence over the populace.

Hannah arrives in a layer of telly make-up: a remnant from an interview she did earlier that day under bright studio lights (‘your skin is too fair for our lights,’ she tells me the make-up artist said to her), and which will be broadcast at 1.45am that night. Apparently the show is the best for reviews and information about cinema in Italy. We discuss her life: this morning’s was the latest in a long-ish and ongoing series of press interviews for The Repairman and she has just met an agent who, we discover later on, is about as big an agent as there is in Rome. ‘Just say you are about 30,’ he has advised her. ‘And don’t say that you are 5’8”. Take two inches off. Italians are small and don’t like tall women.’

Hannah and I wander into the Galoppatoio, a parkland space that is full of stone pines, the canopy roofs of which stand surreally out against the blue sky as a result of the magic hour lighting of the setting sun. The moon hovers half-nail in the sky.

We spot a sign for the Casa del Cinema, and so walk towards it, passing a band of 30 or 40-something Segway angels as we wander. Many are wearing helmets, and, in an Italian accent that often verges on the Russian, we joke about how they probably all live at home with their parents and that they promised their mammas that they would be careful going out on the Segway, never surpassing 10 miles per hour.

We have tea in the Caffè del Cinema, a kino that is about as unglamorous as any cinémathèque that I have visited, a ripped screen in an outdoor projection area typifying the slight disrepair into which the place seems to have fallen. Still, they are showing some interesting films from the posters that are on display – some stuff from Cannes 2014 that I definitely want to watch when I get the chance. (I checked all Rome cinema listings prior to coming and only found one kino that shows films not dubbed into Italian; I decided that there would be no kino visits this weekend.)

And we discuss the importance of continuing our work, Hannah as an actor, writer and comedienne, and me as whatever it is that I want to be and not the academic that I have become. Continuing in spite of small audiences; we are, I say, door-to-door salesmen picking up one customer at a time – and that is fine. We just need to keep going. Indeed, some people seem to think that making independent films somehow gets you closer to the film industry ‘proper’ where people can make money and not work teaching jobs around their filmmaking, as Hannah, her husband Paolo and myself all do. And I explain that making independent films gets you no closer to the film industry proper. The only difference is that you have made a film, rather than just sitting around talking about one. My films have never opened any doors to opportunities that might yield me economic reward, and I suspect that they never will. But then, as my friend Rhodri pointed out the weekend before Rome in Oxford, James Joyce was just doing the 1930s TEFL equivalent when he was writing in Trieste. And I wonder, of course, that this is what I should do with my life.

We joke that Italians cannot pronounce Hannah’s name and that they refer to her as Anna Kroff as we walk past the cool-looking Harry’s Bar at the city gates, and I set off on foot to San Lorenzo, where I am going to meet the Kilab organisers of my film screening to give them a digital copy for the projection. By the time I get there, I can feel that I have blisters on my soles; my suit shoes were not the things that I should have brought for so much walking.

The Kilab and CinemAvvenire meeting goes smoothly and my hosts make generous banter about getting me back for screenings of more films at a later point in time. I join Jole and Paola, who are the Kilab organisers, for a drink at a nearby restaurant, where briefly we discuss Michelangelo Antonioni’s L’éclisse. Jole, who has bohemian short hair and a left-leaning look that I’d not associate with the civil service, used to work in Eritrea and I ask after the relationship between Eritrea and Italy in the light of Italy’s colonization of Ethiopia in the past and Eritrea’s subsequent independence from Ethiopia. It is, of course, complex, but Eritreans are nicer toward Italians than are Ethiopians, she says. And à propos of Africa, I mention the scene in L’éclisse where Monica Vitti blacks up and dances along to the African music that her English friend has brought back from Kenya.

Jole and Paola will spend the evening hanging out with friends who also work for, among other places, the foreign office. And included among them is a guy who worked on the promotion of/for La Grande Bellezza. I tell him about the balcony that I spotted above the Coliseum. He smiles like I am a stupid tourist.

I head to the Cinema Nuova Aquila in order to watch Hannah and Paolo’s Repairman premiere. I hope that these dear friends will forgive me for saying that the film is something of an anachronism, in that it is in praise of slow and has a Tati-esque quality of not quite being of its time. As per seeing Tati’s Playtime today, it is easy to see some 45 years after its making that it shows a man out of sync with his world – because the world with which he is out of sync itself now seems so dated. Maybe it will take a similar amount of time for us to realize that the world with which The Repairman’s male lead, Scanio, played by Daniele Savoca, is also out of sync. I worry, however, that audiences today will not understand Scanio, because they do not feel out of sync with today’s world and therefore won’t get his sense of dislocation. More people will have to be dislocated from the present time to share his feelings.

My worries appear to be ill-founded, though. For after watching Hannah, director Paolo and Daniele pose for numerous photographs with journalists, they go up to a welcoming audience, which includes Giovanni Anzaldo, whom I recognize from Paolo Virzì’s last film, Il Capitale Umano/Human Capital, and then conduct a Q&A that suggests a vibrant and enthusiastic response. The film seems to be tapping into zeitgeist themes of recycling, since Scanio repairs seemingly obsolete objects, and slowness, since he wants a quieter life and not the bustle of the modern day. And the screening is a full house that engenders a second, late-night screening afterwards.

We go for a drink and read over Paolo’s shoulder a review of his film that has come in. It quotes Edmond de Rostand’s Cyrano de Bergerac, Paolo thinks, but none of us know the quotation and Hannah’s internet cannot place it. Either way, it is positive, and Paolo is happy because it is in what he describes as the best and only truly independent newspaper in Italy. Paolo mentions the name of one of the founding journalists behind the publication, and then in an off-hand manner, says that he’ll surely be killed some time for saying what he believes in. The casual nature of this imagined death makes me feel that Italy is indeed a foreign country.

I begin to flag at about 2am as Hannah and Paolo realize that they forgot to plug my film during their Q&A, which does not bother me, except for the fact that for Hannah it is a good coincidence to have two films premiering in Rome on the same weekend, and a plug might thus have helped to raise her profile here. Their distributor drives me to a long road that apparently leads up to my hotel. And after another 40 minutes of walking, I go to bed.

Saturday morning passes quickly, because I sleep until about 10am, and then mark essays until noon. I get angry with the Roman Metro system when they do not sell tickets in the underground station itself, but force travellers to head up to the main Termini train station itself to buy tickets from newsagents. And I head to Ottaviano on the Red line, where I emerge to go in search of the Vatican.

Needless to say, I am too late in the day to queue and get into the Vatican Museums; the Sistine Chapel and the inside of St Peter’s Basilica will have to wait for another time. But after sitting in the courtyard of the Basilica for about ten minutes, imagining how as many non-believers must come to see the Pope speak as do believers, simply because it’s a great spectacle like any other major sporting event, I decide to walk down to San Lorenzo once again. I pass the Castel Sant’ Angelo, and dip down to walk along the west Tiber-side pathway between the Ponte Sant’ Angelo and the Ponte Principe Amedeo di Savoia. I continue along the river to the Ponte Mazzini, at which point I cut across from west to east and into town. I get angry again because in the Campo dè Fiori, I eat at a restaurant where I get talked into buying a bottle of still water and some focaccia that I do not really want, unable to resist the exploitative gab of the waitress because I feel that my Italian is not good enough to say no. A meal that I had wanted to cost me less than 20 euros ends up costing 26.

I am glad that I am on my own, because this is the stuff of which holiday couple arguments are made. There is always, when you live life at my level, a budget, and one has to stick to it relatively closely. That is, one wants to be able to say fuck it and just spend without concern during holidays, but my experience tells me that one can get stung. One gets angry because, so this imaginary scenario goes, I wanted to have a really nice 100 euro meal at some point in the vacation, and yet over a week, the extra five euros at lunch and dinner quickly mount up, meaning that one has only another mediocre meal instead of the lovely treat that you wanted to offer to demonstrate your affection for your travelling companion. You’ve probably already booked the expensive place, or at least spoken about it, and so going back on that booking will be next to impossible without losing face, and so your irritation shows through and the argument begins – basically because you are spending too much money and cannot just enjoy yourself and not care. This isn’t about materialistic partners and frugal little me; it is my own obsession with money and a decision not to use credit and to try to operate with no debt that is at stake. Either way, the scene isn’t pretty.

After lunch, I return to the Pantheon, simply to stand inside it because I recently have seen a photo from the inside and felt that I missed out the day before when I walked cursorily past. I marvel at the marble and at the intricacy of the squares within squares that characterize the dome’s interior, and am filled again with something like joy. I walk down to the Isola, where back on the west side of the Tiber I contemplate and then film blue plastic bottles and large tree trunks tumbling in the undertow of a weir. It reminds me of Abbas Kiarostami’s film, Five, with its opening 10+ minute section of a piece of driftwood floating on the sea.

I then walk up into the Parco San Alessio, whence I take a look out over the city, St Peter’s Basilica and the Vittoriano standing out most conspicuously on the Roman skyline. I sit for a few minutes and look at the oranges growing on the trees, and wonder that I cannot take one – while also querying that they are not good, as many oranges are discarded. People seem nonsensically to be queuing not to enter the Knights of Malta institution that stands alongside the Parco San Alessio (if they were queuing to enter, some of them would). Instead, they seem to be waiting to hear some secret whispered in their ear at its otherwise closed front door. I go through Santo Anselmo, pondering how expensive the houses must be, while admiring a beautiful young Labrador that a woman walks. She looks at me uncomfortably, like on a quiet street I might mug her.

And I come out near the Pyramid, where a woman lies, lifeless, next to a bench, one of her gloves and her handbag on the stone bench, as if she had recently fallen off. There is a plastic cup next to her hand, so maybe she has been drinking and has passed out. But the stillness about her, together with the slightness of her body, make me think her dead. The slightness of her body speaks of a soul that has left. And I wonder how it happened, keeled over in broad daylight, a crumpled mass on the spot like that.

Others are looking at her. Surely they will take action if action needs taking, and so I continue to walk – across the street and past a film crew that is shooting something surely comic since it involves a car turned into a dog along the lines of the mutt mobile from Dumb and Dumber. I get lost, wandering long walls of the city, past Rome’s rather remote Casa del Jazz, and along to the Terme di Caracalla, the immense baths also constructed by the Romans. Another film crew is at work there – looks like B roll. I imagine the engineering involved in their baths, as well as the intrigues that must have happened as senators do their real business during pleasure in a back room reserved only for those wearing broad purple stripes on their toga. And I get lost and soon find myself back where the body of the woman is/was. I dare not look to see if she is still there, and turn back up towards the Circo Massimo, from where I get as soon as I can to San Lorenzo and the CinemAvvenire. On the way, in a small park, I remember a group of dogs running around barking, and I think again of L’éclisse, and the moment that Vittoria and her female friends must find the performing poodle out on the streets. I realize that I am disappointed only to have seen one cat in Rome, a cat that I was too afraid to approach since another woman was talking to it, and I did not want to muscle in on her moment.

And about three hundred metres from my destination, and after about five hours of walking, whom should I bump into but the French girl from the day before, together with a French guy, her boyfriend (although at one point he describes her and his girlfriend as lovers, a term I find curious). He is also a filmmaker. They are, coincidentally enough, on their way to see my film, and so we walk together to CinemAvvenire and have a beer before the film.

We discuss work – and he seems to be doing well, making short films that get accepted into film festivals and things for television. They play the card of young penniless lovers, and I imagine that there is truth to it, and so feel a bit jealous in several ways. But mainly I think that he’ll consider En Attendant Godard not to be a real film when he sees it.

He asks me a question after the screening – about the role of quotation in the film – and then goes off to a party with a producer friend. So I do not know his thoughts on the film, but wonder that my hunch stands, not least because we became Facebook friends soon afterwards, never to message each other.

The screening otherwise goes well enough. The film runs and the people at Kilab have not only produced a wonderful poster, but have also subtitled the whole film. What generosity, I feel, as they screen a nothing budget nothing film. My personal viewing experience is a good one. Sometimes I watch my films and hate them, and sometimes I feel that I am ‘with’, with them looking back at me as I look at them. This is more or less what happens at this screening.

People are polite afterwards, some a little drunk, since Kilab has the great idea of doing aperitivo – a drink and some food – with the film, and all for 8 euros. They really have a wonderful venue, seating about 30, and with a small library of film studies books and monographs on film theory. In London, it has an equivalent perhaps in Close Up off Sclater Street, by Brick Lane and Shoreditch High Street. Not that Close Up has shown any of my films…

I text Hannah, but my phone dies, and so I walk home and have an early night. When I get to my hotel, I see she has invited me out, but instead I buy a beer from a street vendor and sit in my hotel room. The next morning I grade some more essays and then go for a final walk, even though my feet hurt with almost very step. I check out the Via dei Fori Imperiali again, and am amazed at how the marble floor that lies below the Via for passersby to contemplate has been brought there from Tunisia. Stones carried from Tunisia to Rome. Thousands of years ago. And along cobbled streets, above the Coliseum, I again think about how each stone was hand crafted, and then put down to provide paving in Rome. Looking at the cobbles makes me wonder whether the ideal road imagined by the engineers would have been to hew a massive slab that would act as a smooth road surface, with no need for individual cobbles. Instead of a single, smooth and unbroken road surface, though, the opposite development seems to have happened – and asphalt has emerged from making smaller and smaller cobbles and then sticking them together in much the same way that blood no doubt congealed together the sand inside the Coliseum.

The Via is clogged by dancing Bolivians who follows behind cars loaded with boomboxes. They wear traditional Aymara dress – polleras and the like – and the procession seems odd to me, but typically of the circus. ‘Bloque Chuquiago-Rome, Italy’ says one banner, the only to appear in the slightest political or politicized. Chuquiago – gold river in Aymara – and the place that is now known as La Paz. Of course Chuquiago is also the name of a film, one of the few to have emerged from Bolivia during the 1960s, and a searing critique of social inequality.

An hour before I must leave for the airport and I have a gelato – not the three scoops of vanilla that I always promise myself, but a mix of non-vanilla flavours because even though vanilla is my favourite flavor, I always feel that I should order something else. I walk up again to the Via Veneto, where Harry’s Bar is. I see a placard in honour of Notte di Cabiria, and I think about Giulietta Masina not for the first time this trip and how Fellini’s close ups on her felt like the first close ups that I had seen that really meant something, especially as Cabiria walks back into Rome after discovering how yet another man has let her down, only to be cheered by the boys on the Vespas.

And back I am at the Casa del Cinema, where in a park a photography class is practicing taking photos of subjects jumping up as a group in mid-air. I wonder that the British pop group Busted will one day feel pangs of disappointment that their most enduring legacy was not any of their music but the fact that all three of them, like trained poodles, managed to jump into the air at the same time during their performances and videos.

And the rush comes on. I know that I am going to have to get to my hotel for my bags and then to the bus station and then to the airport. I have had such a rush of thoughts, my writing is supremely disappointing in relation to it. But the weekend has been full of joy. Not because I have been doing joyful things, but because I have been seeing new things, or better put old things for the first time, and I have been enjoying them looking back at me.

And I realize that I never want this to stop. I have enough money, I rationalize, to last me a month in this city. During that time, picking up some teaching work should not be too difficult, and then I could just begin the life that I once promised to myself and did not undertake: a life of travelling and learning, staying in places for good lengths of time, but in effect becoming a nomad, and in becoming nomadic creating for myself hope for a future.

Money is a medium, but capital is about stasis. Not in the sense of a Gold Standard or some such in which its value is forever fixed. Rather, capital is dependent on the verb to have, and to have possessions. To possess is stasis: this thing is mine and it can only go away if it breaks or if it is stolen. (Of course things are made to break before too long, and many things also go obsolescent, thereby revealing that nomadism of a sort – transience, impermanence – is an inherent and inescapable quality even of capital.)

And stasis is about states: achieving the state of happiness by having a home, which is more or less fixed. Our possessions do truly own us, because they weigh us down and keep us fixed to the spot where we are. There is no doubt much to learn in repetition; stasis no doubt has value to many people. But I am not sure that I can cope with stasis.

The world moves me too much, and, being moved, I must myself in turn move, as looking and love are two-way processes as well. In being moved, I feel compelled to create, even to create something as banal as this piece of writing. In creating, I change the world and am myself changed. And in changing, in learning via the movement not just of moving myself but of being moved, then I come to experience joy.

It is as if the brain gets used to certain pathways that they become concrete, and then something new comes along and rips up the concrete and says that you can cross the world both of thought and the world of flesh in whatever direction you like. New mental connections are made, and in learning you find out more of what your brain and your body can do. This is learning, and I never want it to stop, and I know that daring to reject the world of stasis and to embrace the life nomadic more fully even than I have until now is what will enable me to live, to love, to be moved, and also to move people and the world more generally as a human being in turn.

A romantic thought, I confess, but no wonder Roma, those other Roma that receive nothing like the attention of Rome and the Romans, care little for possession as a concept, because leading the life nomadic, possessions and the stasis of capital have little to do with them.

Today I did not stay and Joyce-like pick up the teaching work, but instead I came back and already rue my cowardice. But soon I shall go, and when I go I shall be gone. And while suffering and death, that final stasis, await us all, then I shall prepare my spirit to go soaring beyond the bounds of my body by teaching it to fly while my flesh can still move with the motions of this world.

Common Ground selected for American Online Film Awards Autumn Showcase

Beg Steal Borrow News, Common Ground, Festivals, Friends of Beg Steal Borrow, Screenings, Uncategorized

After a successful run at the American Online Film Awards (AOFA) Spring Showcase in May, Common Ground has been invited to take part in the AOFA’s follow-up Autumn Showcase.

Common Ground is a contemporary film noir set against the backdrop of the economic crisis and Occupy. It tells the story of Dennis (Dennis Chua), a Guatemalan in London who goes looking for his missing brother – only to discover that his brother owes money all over town. Common Ground was shot for a mere £500 (or US$750).

The Showcase runs from 1 October to 14 October 2014. It features numerous films from all over the world. So if you have not yet had a chance to see Common Ground, do be sure to log in and to watch it at/on the Showcase when it starts.

Meanwhile, Common Ground star Musa Okwonga has just completed a two-part radio documentary for the BBC on the forthcoming football World Cup in Brazil – investigating how football was adopted and adapted by Brazilians. It is available via the BBC World Service here. In Common Ground, Musa plays Dennis’ boss.

Furthermore, Common Ground‘s Charlie Partridge, who plays an outspoken tramp, has just completed a new music video, ‘Change The World, Change Your Status’, with his comedy group, the Slacktivists. You can see it below and here.

These are simply the latest exploits of the Common Ground gang. As mentioned in previous posts, star Alex Chevasco has recently been selected for the Sundance Lab in the USA, while co-star Laura Murray will be performing Macbeth in the grounds of Lady Margaret Hall in Oxford, England, over the summer.


Busy Beg Steal Borrowers

Beg Steal Borrow News, Friends of Beg Steal Borrow

This is just a quick update to say how busy some of the Beg Steal Borrow collaborators have been of late.

Firstly, producer Deanne Cunningham has been up in Leeds working on the fothcoming series of Utopia.

Secondly, Alex Chevasco, star of En Attendant Godard, Common Ground and Ur: The End of Civilization in 90 Tableaux, has made it through to quarter finals of the Final Draft Big Break Contest with a TV pilot about the USA’s first African-American composer.

Charlotte Wolf, meanwhile, will be taking up an exciting opportunity in the new year to teach filmmaking to potential cineastes in Sierra Leone.

Tom Maine and Andrew Slater continue to be busy with their various productions – and Nick Marwick, who acted in Afterimages and Common Ground, has also taken his first steps into film and television production.

Well done and good luck to all Beg Steal Borrowers!

The Repairman selected for Raindance 2013

Beg Steal Borrow News, En Attendant Godard, Festivals, Friends of Beg Steal Borrow, Screenings

Beg Steal Borrow collaborator Hannah Croft, who starred in En Attendant Godard, is also starring in Paolo Mitton’s The Repairman/Storia di un Riparatore, an Italian comedy that has been selected for the Raindance Film Festival 2013.

A screening of the film takes place on Thursday 3 October 2013 at the Piccadilly Apollo in London at 20:45. Tickets have already sold out!

So a massive congratulations to Hannah – and to her collaborators on the film – and we hope to see her in another Beg Steal Borrow production before too long!The_Repairman